We met in my mid-thirties. She was a little more than a decade older than me. I had been struggling with the whole “what’s it all about” question for a while. I think it was my version of an early mid-life crisis, prematurely induced by the choice to not have children. I was happy in my marriage and I had a good relationship with my family members, but… surely, this experience of being in debt, working hard and not really being able to “enjoy life”… there HAD to be more to it, right? I had friends, but, no one I was close to in my small town. It was just kind of an “ugh” time. I’d bought a little 30 minute yoga DVD from Sam’s about a month before. It was a series of 10 beginner yoga poses. I was doing the tape about 3 times a week and that was “OK”, but, it was the same poses, same words, same sequence… by this time, I really didn’t even need to turn it on. And, then, I heard that our local community college was offering yoga classes! What? I contacted the number with a bunch of questions and she said, “and, if you’d be more comfortable, we can do a private class first, so you can see if you like it.” Well, that was a no-brainer! I didn’t have to worry about all the particulars, I could just taste-test it! So, I got another lady to join me and we arranged to have our own class at my office. And, that is the day I met Kathy. I don’t remember what poses we did or much about the class except that I was so relaxed in her presence, yet, almost giddy at how enjoyable the experience was! I remember thinking, “I’m home”, with this yoga stuff. So, I signed up for her class and started going however often it was, maybe twice a week. I was loyal to practice and found Kathy’s voice and demeanor very calming. I began to realize the buzz and spin of the life I was leading was a lot of static and not much content. I slowed down and started to witness my own self. It was the first time I began to know myself, and it was transformative. I was a little awestruck by “yoga teacher Kathy”. She was so precise and delivered her class with so much care, I could tell she had her world in order and, obviously, lived a perfect life. 😉 From her telling, I *apparently* went up to her after a class at some point to ask a question or something and, she says, I made a joke and used the F word. I can neither confirm nor deny that this happened, but, some 20 years later, she tells me this is the moment she thought “This girl might be friend material!” I am appalled that I would drop this language in such an early, pivotal moment with Perfect Yoga Teacher, but, the stars smiled upon me and the door opened to one of the most profound and enduring friendships I have ever had. I was unaware she had this thought and just kept showing up to class, never considering we could expand our relationship. Who knew? So, that class series ended and she decided to open up her own studio and I followed her. Front row, on the left, I had my spot! Our little yoga family was growing as word spread about her classes. I was faithful and it was a soul-saving time for me. Maybe it was “soul learning”? Whatever it was, it was monumental in my life. One day, Kathy approached me after class and asked if I might be interested in attending a yoga seminar with her. I was shocked, but certainly interested. I was also confused… was I being invited as her “star student” or as a potential friend? It was the first time I realized we might become friends! Don’t ask me where I got this screwed up notion of making adult friends. Childhood friends are your neighbors and classmates. They are built in. College friends are your dormmates. Also, built in! I guess I didn’t know how to navigate adult friendships — I certainly hadn’t made any new ones in some time.

So we went to the seminar and shared a meal and got a Starbucks afterward for the ride home. It was so much FUN! She was funny and sincere and, guess what? NOT perfect! From there, we became fast friends. Yoga, lunches and brunches, happy hours and trips to Natural Grocers…I had a buddy and a whole community of yogis who I considered family, all of which were very helpful when my sister got diagnosed with cancer. Kim had young kids and was only 39 when we got the news. There were a lot of confusing emotions along with anger and sadness that had to be dealt with. I fully credit “Kathy yoga” for helping me manage the grief of my sister’s illness and eventual passing. Near the end, when Kim had a recurrence of disease, my sister’s friends organized a fund-raiser to help with mounting medical bills. Kathy volunteered to go with me to this event. She was a life-line! Her presence in this stressful situation let me go and enjoy being with my sister in an environment where I knew only a few people and allowed me to be grateful for a fun day with Kim when those were quickly becoming rare.

As time went on, Kathy had some struggles of her own. I was able to help her with a couple of moves as she navigated her marriage. Her husband eventually lost his battle with his own demons and I witnessed her survival of his suicide. Tough stuff. However bad you imagine this is, it’s worse. Worse than even I can imagine, too. But, life, or more so our response to it, can make you bitter or it can make you better. Kathy bettered herself over time and our friendship became long distance as she moved 6 hours away. We celebrated victories and losses, life things and heart-stopping things. When I lost my dad and both in-laws in a period of 18 months she was there supporting me and teaching me by her example that these things are survivable. Most things are. Some are not. And, that is where we find ourselves now. Kathy has Stage 4 lung cancer with metastases to her brain and liver. It looks as if our friendship is facing yet another evolution. I’m here for it. As she has been for me. I have long-referred to her as my Soul Sister and it appears that is the next phase for us. Time spent connecting with Source and listening to that still, small, inner voice is where I will hear hers. Until then, I celebrate our time together, our talks and shared laughter, witnessing those who love her most caring for her in the most beautiful way.