I was close to 50 years old before I got my Tanya. She showed up in my life one day and I have been changed for the better ever since. I met her at CrossFit… although, she says she was “aware” of me for some time. Our local CrossFit box (gym) posted a lot pictures and videos on Facebook. I was a regular there so I showed up frequently in their media which she followed. So, Tanya started coming to classes and we chatted. Nothing too warm, but “not unfriendly.” Then, we began to partner some in the workouts. I am not sure how or when we exchanged cell numbers but, we did. I started to receive the occasional random text. The “Have a great day” or “Hope you have a fun trip” or “Man, you killed today’s WOD” started. (WOD is CrossFit speak for Workout of the Day.) It was almost like being courted!
Anyway… you come to a point in life where you might “think” your life is full. You might think that between work/family/workouts/in-and-out of town friends/spouse/pets/business associates/meal prep/aquaintenances/maintaining your home and whatnot that your life is “full”. As in, “full to capacity.” As in, “I cannot think that adding one more person/job/responsibility/pet/hobby is a good idea, much less desirable.” And… you “might” just be wrong. I was. I was pretty sure that I had made my last really close friend. I was content to bank on the many old and a few relatively new relationships already in place. I wasn’t willing to give up any older friendships and, it seemed, I didn’t have time nor energy to cultivate new ones. I just wasn’t open to any new applicants. Ha! Life is funny like that. So is Tanya.
Eventually, we ended up an after-hours gathering. It had to have been a CrossFit thing. As it happens, some liquid courage was consumed and she opened up. Apparently, she sought me out. She was determined to become friends! She admitted to stalking me. I was somewhat flattered and somewhat concerned. Was this some sort of Single White Female thing? Nope. Just a person who decided we would be friends. And, we are!
There are a few things to know about Tanya. She’s not a hugger. She’s not a cryer. She has a temper. She WILL hug you – but not a frivolous just-because-it’s-a-Tuesday hug. She will hug you when you need it. She will cry if she sees someone she loves hurting. I have never seen her cry because something hurt her. But, if someone hurts her kid, her friend or an animal; she’s probably going to, but just a little. If she sees a dog, she is going to pet it! And, she’s going to say “Can I pet that dog?” in a husky cartoon voice while doing it! Her temper is quick and you would most definitely want her on your side in a street fight. She is lean and scrappy, so don’t even think of taking her spot! Her knowledge of music and the “right” lyrics is encyclopedic. And, when the tunes start, Tanya is going to dance! Also, she has abs. Like visible abdominal muscles. So many people “want” abs, but Tanya has the discipline to have them. She works out, often 2x a day and it is evident. She is no slacker and she won’t let you either. Think you might need 55lbs on the barbell – uh uh! Tanya will push you to do more and load your weight herself if you don’t!
But, the most important thing to know about Tanya is that she is the Queen of Giving an Actual Fu&k. She pays attention when someone is struggling and makes a point to “do something”. She’s as real of a friend as it gets. When most people will say “let me know what I can do”, Tanya shows up. She left a suprise succulent at my car, once. I don’t recall what my sadness was, but, I DO remember that she acknowledged it. I remember when my Dad passed away unexpectedly she came and sat with me. I talked and cried and she did the hard thing of showing up when nothing is going to get better for a while. Whether it’s your first (or fifth) comp or your kid’s athletic event, Tanya is likely to be there, usually with another friend in tow!
When the mother of a friend got diagnosed with breast cancer, Tanya organized a group of us to gather up “mother/daughter” gifts for them to receive while the Mom was undergoing surgery. When a new kid showed up at workout and was exercising in casual non-supportive shoes, she came up with an appropriate pair of workout shoes in his size. I mean, who does that? Well, Tanya does.
It might be a delivery of flowers on the anniversary of a loss. It might be a rice bag when you have strained something. (A rice bag that she has sewn her-own-self, at that!) It might be a jar of beets from somewhere she’s been recently because she knows you like beets! When another friend’s grandaughter got a scary diagnosis, she organized our friend group into a weekly rotation of thinking-of-you deeds.
You are not going to feel like you don’t have a team on your side when Tanya is around. There are so many examples of her kindness. Probably examples more that I DON’T know about than I DO. She doesn’t talk about this kind of thing much – usually just enough to get the ball rolling. I might get a text “Hey, we need to do something for so-and-so” or “When can you do dinner for {insert name here}?” Yes, we do. What do we do? It almost doesn’t matter, but the acknowledgement that “You are not alone. We see you and we are with you” does matter.
Tanya is such a beautiful expression of being a real and true friend and seeing one’s humanness. There is such a need for this kind of connection and friendship. Especially when you don’t *think* you have room for it. So, yeah… everyone needs a Tanya. She will make you a little better and the ripple effect of just *that* – well, it’s immeasurable. So, get you a TANYA, ’cause I ain’t giving you mine! ♥