Today is Valentine’s Day. On this day, 30 years ago, we began working together. My husband, Daniel, is a chiropractor and I am the office manager. We do this thing, day in and day out, still. Before we ever did embark on the being-married/working together deal, we had many MANY friends tell us “Don’t do it! It’ll ruin your marriage.” Well, we didn’t listen and I’m very grateful we did not. I believe our working relationship is just a reflection of the rest of our marriage… most things rock along nice & easy and rarely it’s more of struggle. Fortunately, we have found a rhythm and it works for us. Usually.

I remember when we were in the early marriage days and hardly had any time together. We would go to the grocery store on weekends just to spend time together. Granted, shopping there was a treat. We lived in Las Colinas and that Tom Thumb had a pianist that often played during our shopping dates. I didn’t know much about food prep and better quality ingredients back then…but I’m sure even the Rice-a-Roni looked tastier with a nice concerto playing in the background! We would shop and then take our bulldog, Hoya, for a walk around the canals, maybe order a Mr. Jim’s pizza and the weekend would be gone. Other times we would play cards or have dinner dates with friends from my work or drive 3+ hours home on holidays to see his parents. I recall visiting my best work buddy at the time and saying “I spend more time with you than I do with my husband!” And it was true! I was working full-time and attending graduate classes in the evenings. He was in class from 8am-5pm so there wasn’t much crossover time in our schedules. And, we were poor. Not so poor we couldn’t live in a safe area and occasionally have a decent meal out, but I didn’t make very much and he was on school loans, so, not flush, for sure. But, looking back, it was a sweet and special time. I loved that he had chosen to be a chiropractor and was proud of him for wanting to be in a healing profession. I enjoyed my work in the fitness industry and we were both on track to graduate the same December. We were young with an unknown future and the whole world was wide open to us. As fate would have it, there was a chiropractor in a nearby town who was looking to open an office in our hometown. We met with him and agreed to return “home” to run his satellite office. He also advised us against working together. He had a lady lined up to be office manager and we agreed to his stipulations. Well, fast forward almost a year (and 2 of the most terrible days of my life as a substitute teacher) and the prospective office manager had to back out due to family responsibilities. I was available!! and interested!! and we started professional life together as a package deal.

It was a new office and sometimes the going was slow, especially in the early days. I remember reading lots of books in downtimes and waiting for the phone to ring. Daniel was finding his way and honing his skills. We were up to our eyeballs in school loan debt and I took an adjunct teaching position at the junior college to use my degree and supplement our income. It was a lean time but through it we learned to support each other and how to let our own lights shine. I love being with him on a day-to-day basis. When something happens, I can tell him. Once, many years ago, we lost a dear friend to a head-on collision. I got the call that morning and we were just working a regular busy day. I pulled Daniel aside between appointments and told him. “Honey, I have terrible news. Karl was killed this morning.” I was in shock but functioning. He was more stunned. It immobilized him and he just sat there. I finally said, as gently as I could, “Honey, you have people waiting…” But, it affected him differently and he had to go be available to his patients. All I had to do was not cry when they came out! We have very different roles at work. I am amazed at how tuned in he can be with those in his care. But, for important things and for even the mundane look-this-made-me-laugh things it is wonderful to get to share “life” with your spouse. I get to watch him teach his patients how to get better. I get to witness people who have had headaches or lingering pain (for sometimes years!) come out of an appointment and express their wonder and gratitude to not hurt. It’s a beautiful thing to get to see the person you love and admire most get to do their thing! He is very very good at what he does. One day in the past year, he was taking all kinds of time with a patient and I stepped in to let him know I was going into one of my appointments. He was sitting on top of the desk and the patient was in the chair with a hot pack on his back. The patient was in a lot of pain but couldn’t lie down to receive the therapy much less an adjustment. Daniel was just being with him. He couldn’t “DO” anything, so he was just there, holding space. It was such a great example of his care! He takes his time and gives each person what they need, every time. And therein lies the rub! Sometimes what a patient needs takes more time than what I have allowed on our schedule. You just never know when someone is going to say “Hey, Doc… can you do anything about my shoulder?” and this might be AFTER their adjustment and it COULD be something that has a lot to do with muscular imbalance and it MIGHT take a bit to evaluate and then recommend what is helpful or teach some stretching and/or exercises. You see, my understanding of how it goes with other healthcare providers is if you say “oh! and then I have this other issue…” that you would have the opportunity to make another appointment where this could be addressed. Well, homie don’t play that. You’re here, he’s going to do what he can to help now. So… we get behind. And, if you’ve met me, I am pretty time-conscious. Pretty is a mild descriptor. I’m fairly obsessed with time. I have a lot of time commitments and I value promptness. I also have been known to not really understand why someone might be late…. I mean, it’s a verbal contract, right? You have an appointment at 9:30, courtesy dictates you arrive at 9:25. No? Really? My excuse: It’s how I was raised! I have taken a lot of heat for my views on time! It seems that current thinking is to arrive not early at all. I will see someone drive up and sit in their car so they don’t walk in early. I even have patients apologize for coming in a few minutes before their appointment time! Woah! How things have changed! I have lightened up substantially on my time expectations and my life has relaxed in response to that. Old habits die hard, though… and I have to occasionally remind myself “This little mama could have had a diaper emergency that caused her to be late..” or that people are just humans doing the best they can to navigate each day. So, needless to say, Daniel & I differ in our regard to TIME but we absolutely agree on giving people what they need. It’s all part of the relationship dance. And, oh what a great thing to get to be supporting someone you love do something that you whole-heartedly believe in and do it well for a long time. The long, slow dance. ♥