On this day, 29th years ago, my sister gave birth to a baby girl. No one in my family knew she was in the hopsital, had gone into labor… or that she was even pregnant! I believe only 2 people on the planet knew she was expecting. Kim was in the process of divorcing her husband and met a guy. They had dated for a time and this pregnancy stemmed from that relationship. He told her that he had recently gotten out of a 2 year relationship where his GF had become pregnant and (I’m a little fuzzy on details here…) she, his previous GF, had either tried to trap him into marriage or he questioned whether or not he was the father. Either way, Kim knew that her short-term deal with this guy would be met with the same level of apathy so she basically ghosted him, before “ghosting” was even a thing. I don’t know the details of her discovering the pregnancy, but once she did, Kim knew she had to keep it a secret. Since she was divorcing, she needed that to be finalized because *apparently* Texas law states that a wife cannot get a divorce if she’s pregnant. I’m not a lawyer, I don’t know the in’s and out’s, but that is what KIM believed and how she told it to me. I should mention here that this is not my story, but, I’m the one left to tell it so I’ll do that to the best of my recollection. It’s been 27 years since my sister shared this with me. If you’re good a math, you’ll see there’s a 2 year gap in Emily’s arrival and my knowledge of such. My sister and her 4 year old daughter had come to visit. The little one was still sleeping and Kim got up. I remember I was standing in the kitchen drinking hot tea and asking her if she wanted some. She said, “No. I want to tell you a story.” We went outside in the cool of the morning and she started telling me about this time in her life. Kim had left her husband. She was living in an apartment with a friend. She had a 2 year old. She was working and was dating. Then, she was pregnant. She was barely making it with just the one child. Divorces cost money even when both parties are in favor and there aren’t many assets. Kim was stretched thin with the emotional and financial responsibilities of being a single mom to one, much less two, especially in this time of transition. I remember her telling me, “I knew if I could just put this baby on a shelf for a year or two and get my life together, I could keep her.” But, she also knew that that was not a possibility. She didn’t believe she could risk getting prenatal care because what if the divorce judge found out? She couldn’t let it be “known” to anyone. She had been pregnant before. She knew what to do. She was careful to not gain additional weight. She was still carrying some baby weight from her now 2 year old so she had that “cushion”. She wore scrubs to work and loose fitting clothes to hide her figure. She was careful about who she saw and in what circumstances. She planned family visits and timed things out so she would see us, my aunt, grandmother and our parents before the final stages of her term. She prayed to God that she would be able to give this baby to a family who would love and care for her and not lose her mind. And, she waited. At eight months, she stood in front of a judge and was granted a divorce. At eight months and one day, she went to the family clinic. She contacted an adoption agency in San Antonio and they sent her three packets to choose who would take her baby. She rejected all three immediately. A day or two later, she looked again. There was one couple in Ohio who she liked. She was a short blond, he was tall and dark. They had struggled with fertility and given up on conceiving. Adoption had frustrated them and betrayed their trust, but, they were trying one final time. Kim chose them. Not long after making her choice, she pulled her boss aside at the end of the day. I believe this was a Thursday. She told him she was going to need Friday off from work so she could deliver her baby. Her plan was to have the baby Friday, recover over the weekend and return to work on Monday. She knew this was the only possible way it would work to remain a secret. So, at this point, only her roommate and her boss know. She goes home, leaves her 2 year old in the care of her roommate and goes to the hospital. She goes into labor and has Emily. The adoptive parents are notified and immediately fly from Ohio to Texas. I know this next part for certain. That evening, after Emily has arrived, the nurse asked her if she wants to see the baby. Kim said yes. She holds Emily close and is aware that this is her only time to be with her as “her baby” before the adoptive parents come. But, my sister is exhausted. She has kept this secret and done this on her own with no support and she has serious concerns about whether she will be able to keep it together mentally, spiritually, financially and emotionally. As she tells Emily this, she can barely keep her eyes open. She knows this time is the only time they will ever have and that she is going to sleep. So, she asks Emily to forgive her and she rests.

To my knowledge, her biological father is unaware of Emily’s existence. I live in the same town as the previous girlfriend to bio father. She is an aquaintence. She has a son who is about 2 years older than Emily who I suspect is Emily’s half-brother by way of them sharing their father’s genes. Such a strange thing, this life. So much sadness, so much beauty, so many secrets. As I share this on Emily’s 29th birthday, I hope it brings some light. She’s a beautiful woman now, Emily. I’m so proud of her and I know her “Texas Mom” watching over us from above is, too.